The One With Two Game Shows
by CitizenNancy
Summary: The guys have chances to go on two tv game shows (ok one isnt really a game show but you gotta win) Please R/R. First one in a while. Might be rusty.


The One With Two Game Shows  
  
(Teaser Scene- Alexandro's. Monica is working in the kitchen at the sink. Its almost overflowing with gray liquid.)  
  
Monica: Why do I even bother? I told Ralph to stop washing his hair in this sink last week, and look! Clogged again. (shakes her head) I hope he gets an apartment soon or I will have to get not nice again. This is the third bottle of Liquid Drano I've used!  
(A waiter bursts through the door. He almost runs into Monica. He didnt see her cause he was looking behind him through the swinging door.)  
Monica: Hey! (looks at waiter) Whats wrong Mark? Is your crazy ex-girlfriend out there again?  
Mark: Worse. There is these two guys. One is dressed up in a really weird outfit, and the other looks like a cook. There is some woman with them too. They demand to see you!  
Monica: Me? Why me?  
Mark: Maybe cause your the head chef. Come on and look. (he pushes her forward)  
Monica: (Looks through the windows in the swinging door.) Oh my god.  
Mark: What?  
Monica: I've seen those guys on tv. (thinks) Chandler was watching this one night. It was on the food network. I'd be damned if I could remember the name. (thinks again) Iron chef!  
Mark: Whats that?  
Monica: (goes through swinging door) This guy has a cooking academy. Hes like really rich, from what I remember of the intro. He got these four iron chefs for like four different types of cuisine. (They get to the table) I have no idea what they would want with me.  
Mark: Maybe he hates you too.  
Monica: What?  
Mark: Nothing.  
(The woman at the table gets up. The man with the fancy clothes speaks to her.)  
Ming-na: This is Chairman Kaga.  
Monica: I know, I'm such a big fan of the show.  
Ming-na: Chairman Kaga wanted to meet you to compliment you on the fine dining he has had in this establishment.  
Monica: Well thank you. (she blusters. Kaga speaks)  
Ming-na: He also thinks he would be a worthy opponent for Moriomoto san. (Monica looks at Morimoto. He returns his gaze.)  
Monica: What?  
  
(Intro)  
  
(Scene 1: Central Perk. Monica is relating the experience to the gang)  
Rachel: So then what happened? (she sits up to get more comfortable. Shes very pregnant. Ross and Joey dart toward her with armed with two pillows. She looks at them, sits forward and lets them both put them behind her.) I love this pampering stuff. I should have gotten knocked up a long time ago.  
Monica: Aparently they want me to be the second New York chef that appears on Iron Chef.  
Chandler: I'm pretty sure they had others.  
Monica: Bobby Flay. I don't know.  
Phoebe: Come on, tell us more.  
Monica: Anyway, they were really nice, especially since I had no idea what they were saying. I accepted the challenge. The show is filmed tomorrow. I got two tickets, who wants to go? (Phoebe and Rachel raise their hands.) I don't think they will let you on the tasting panel. They might think you're biased.  
Phoebe: (lowers hand slowly) Ohh.  
Rachel: Wait! They could have leftovers!  
Phoebe: (changes mind) Ooohh yay!  
Monica: It will be on tv sometime. They will tell me, I think. What will you guys be doing?  
Chandler: Joey and I got tickets to a taping of Beat the geeks.  
Monica: Wow, honey, I never knew they had a whole club for you.  
Chandler: HA ha. (Monica gets up to get a drink, Rachel follows) Shes actually right.  
Ross: They are looking for a new geek.  
Joey: Look Ross, if we had another ticket we would invite you too.  
Chandler: What kind of geek?  
Phoebe: Hopefully not the type that bites the head of chickens cause that is messy. Oh and very cruel to the chicken.  
Chandler: (looks at Phoebe) Ok.  
Ross: Yeah, they are looking for someone who knows everything about "Baywatch".  
Chandler and Joey: "Baywatch"??  
Chandler: We love Baywatch. And Yasmine Bleeth. (goes off in a trance. Monica hits him over the head) Hey!  
Monica: What, I saw a bug. (she shrugs)  
Ross: Yeah, they will be seeing if anyone in the audience is good enough. I don't think they usually do this, but they must be desperate.  
Joey: If they are desperate then why didnt they knock on my door? (looks at Rachel) You gave me all of my messages, right?  
Rachel: Oh, sure, blame the preggo. Oh by the way, someone named Dana wants you to call her back.  
Joey: When?  
Rachel: December...ohhh.  
Joey: Darnit. I been waiting for her to call.  
Chandler: What did she look like Joey?  
Joey: Well...(thinks) definately female. I think, I hope. I made that kind of mistake before.  
  
(Scene 2: Monicas. Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are sitting around the kitchen table.)  
Monica: I am so nervous I don't think I will be able to sleep.  
Rachel: This is cooking. It is so your thing.  
Monica: Yeah but you have to cook something with the theme ingrediant. What if its something Ive never used before?  
Rachel: Monica youve touched lots of yucky stuff before. Remember when Chandler got poison oak after falling into that batch of it by the dumpsters once?  
Monica: And you have to have it all done in an hour. I don't think I can do it. I just wish I had a phone number to call and call it all off.  
Phoebe: What? No. We dont want some Chairman Kushman guy...  
Monica: Kaga.  
Phoebe: Right, we dont want him saying that your a quitter. Are you a quitter?  
Monica: No!  
Phoebe: (louder) Are you a quitter???  
Monica: No sir! (scared)  
Phoebe: Great. I gotta go number 2 (goes to the bathroom).  
Rachel: (looks around) I want to go home but I'm suddenly afraid to ask to leave. (Monica laughs)  
Monica: I gotta get to sleep. Otherwise I will be half asleep when im shouting orders to my underlings...wait. The iron chef will have assistants and I have none!  
Rachel: Pheebs and I will be glad to help.  
Phoebe: (coming out of bathroom) Help with what?  
Rachel: Mon needs assistants to help her cook.  
Phoebe: I'll be glad to help! (thinks) As long as it isnt anything meaty.  
Monica: We won't kow that till we are already there.  
Phoebe: I'll help as long as I don't have to touch it.  
Rachel: Ooh great, this will be so fun!  
  
(Scene 3a: Beat The Geeks audience. Chandler and Joey are near the front.)  
  
Chandler: So how are they gonna look for a geek to be the Baywatch Geek?  
Joey: I don't know. Maybe they will pull somebody out of the audience.  
(a guy sunglasses looks at them)  
Kenny: You guys curious about the new geek tryouts?  
Chandler and Joey: Yeah.  
They are doing them right over there. I'm gonna try out too. My girlfriend said I was a Baywatch Geek. Course thats why she left me, took my cat, and kicked me out of my home so I now gotta live in my moms basement till I get a new place. (Chandler and Joey look at each other) Wanna come with?  
Chandler: Ok. (Kenny leaves) We were'nt that bad were we?  
Joey: Hell no. Now lets hurry before we lose a tryout spot!  
  
(Scene 3b- Kitchen Stadium)  
(The taping had already started when Joey and Chandler pursued their dreams of geekdom. Monica stands dressed to the nines in her cher uniform. Rachel wears an apron, and Phoebe wears a assitants uniform)  
Monica: I'm so nervous.  
Phoebe: Don't be. (she looks up at the front of the kichen) You never told me Chairman Kaga was such a hottie!  
Rachel: Pheebs!  
Phoebe: He can have my egg foo young anytime!  
Monica: Will you two shush? (they turn their attention to the front of the kitchen)  
Kaga: (via translator) Today we have a special guest, of Alexandros of New York, Monica Bing. Lets bring her out. (some music plays and Monica walks out followed by Phoebe and Rachel. She walks up to him while the others go wait in their side of the kitchen) How are you today? (bows)  
Monica: (bows) Good. Nervous.  
Kaga: Good luck to you today.  
Monica: Thank you.  
Kaga: I summon the Iron Chef! (a flourish of music plays as Morimoto ascends to Kitchen Stadium on a platform. He has his game face on.)  
Rachel: He looks like a tough customer.  
Phoebe: Not really. Bring it on! Monica will beat this guy three ways from Sunday. (Monica gets to her kitchen.) Mon, you are so toasted!  
Monica: ITs not over till the fat lady sings.  
Rachel: Or in this case eats. (a Japanese man joins them behind the counter) Whos this guy?  
Phoebe (speaks weird language, man replies): He says hes our other assitant and it looks like we need all the help we can get!  
Monica: I didn't know you could speak Japanese.  
Phoebe: That was Japanese? No wonder I got my last order of oriental food in ten seconds or less.  
  
(Scene 4a - A back room)  
Kenny: Wow there are a lot of other guys back here.  
Chandler: Do we have even a chance Joey?  
Joey: We do as long as we have (big pause) the dream.  
Chandler: The what?  
Joey: Yeah, anything we dream will happen, will happen.  
Chandler: If that was true then that chili dog I had last week would be chasing me down the freeway in my underwear.  
Kenny: (looks at Chandler) Did that really happen?  
Joey: Yeah, and what was it doing in your underwear?  
Chandler: (looks at Joey) Hey look. (He pointed ahead of him.) Looks like they are taking three at a time and we're next!  
Joey: Cool, I always wanted to be a geek.  
Chandler: It looks like it might come true at least for one of us. (The three of them go into the next room)  
  
(Scene 4b - The ingrediant, Iceberg Lettuce, was announced)  
Phoebe: Ohh great, Mon knows tons of things to do with lettuce!  
Rachel: And some are even legal!  
Monica: Ok. (looks at Japanese assistant) Lets go!  
(Monica and Rachel go off to get the lettuces from in front of Chairman Kaga. Rachel waits till Monica descends the platform with a whole tray of lettuce.)  
Rachel: Do we know what we're making? (She asks as her back starts to ache) That tray is making me hungry looking at it.  
Monica: I can try to save some later. We have to make it up as we go along.  
Rachel: OR as I know it, Joeys night in the kitchen.  
  
(Scene 5a - minutes later. Joey, Chandler and two others are the only ones left. Kenny is long gone)  
Joey: We're still here!  
Chandler: I know. But the questions hes gonna ask are going to be harder. (other guy leaves, another is being asked questions) I wonder how much of the show we missed.  
Joey: Probably all of it.  
Chandler: I wonder if it pays to be a geek.  
Joey: Ross says he gets good money. (Chandler nods, the last guy that asking questions leaves)  
Guy with clipboard: Okay seems like you two are the last ones  
Joey: Oh baby!  
Chandler: (thinks) Yeah but Joe that means we are up against each other.  
Joey: And you are SO gonna lose.  
Chandler: (through being nice) Yeah says who?  
Guy: Come on you two. The first one who answers this really tough question will be in the finals for Geek.  
Chandler: Finales?  
Guy: Yeah, you didnt think we would do it all in one day? Honestly!  
Joey: So whats the question?  
Guy: Where is Pamela Andersons characters hometown and when do they have their prom?  
(Chandler and Joey look at each other. Joey gulps audibly)  
  
(Scene 5b - Kitchen Stadium. Almost 45 minutes have gone by on cooking time. Monica has drifted into drill sargeant mode)  
Monica: (points at Rachel) You, decorate this plate with this green stuff. (points at Phoebe) You! check the friend rice and cabbage balls. You! (points at Japanese guy) Stare at me from over there!  
Rachel: You know if you let him help we would have a chance of winning!  
Monica: You dont think I'll win! You don't? Huh! Speak!  
(Announcers table - commentator comments are heard and traslated by the woman Monica saw with Chairman Kaga.)  
Ming-na: According to our kitchen side reporter, these girls with Monica san are her best friends but the way shes yelling at them, its a wonder if they will be friends afterwards.  
Monica: Oh man, I heard what she said. You! (Japense assistant comes over) You have ten minutes to make me look good.  
Rachel: Only ten?  
Monica: We oughta have one dish that makes us look good. Waht is your name anyway?  
Japense Guy: (speaks perfect english) Jason! (the trio of girls looks at each other, shocked he knew the language.)  
Monica: What are you waiting for? Go!  
  
(Scene 6a - Kitchen Stadium ten minutes later)  
Ming-na: Now it is time for tasting and judgement. What will our guests Rudy Guliani, Colin Powell and Oksana Baiul think of our guests two dishes. I have never seen so much time spend on two dishes, lets see how it turns out.  
Rudy: This first dish is horrible! You made this?  
Monica: Sorry. I never dealt with this kind of pressure before.  
Colin: I know. I was in your restaurant before during rush hour.  
Oksana: I kinda like it. Its very low fat cause you cant really eat it.  
(off to the sideline Rachel watches, covered in lettuce from a lettuce fight she and Phoebe had.)  
Rachel: I hate that. Bad comments  
Pheobe: Ive seen this before and when it seems like one is gonna lose they actually win. (Rachel looks at her) When the Iron Chef gets less good comment and he suddenly wins. It happens to them more often than not.  
Rudy: But this second dish is divine. The one that your assistant was a part of.  
Monica: He helped me read some of the labels better. (she blushes embarressedly)  
Colin: I would like thie recipe. (he nods)  
Oksana: I already have some in a doggy bag. We can share.  
Colin: Great.  
(Monica moves off to the side while Morimoto serves his dishes. He has five.)  
Monica: Two dishes, thats only like an appetizer!  
Phoebe: What matters is you showed up. In the end, remember that.  
Monica: I showed up and completely sucked!  
Rachel: Come on Mon, look at them. (She does, all of them absolutely love the food.) Ok, don't look.  
(After a few more minutes they were done eating. Colin seemed to talk his way into more of Morimotos helping.)  
Phoebe: So much for leftovers.  
Rachel: We still have Mons.  
Phoebe: Like I said.  
  
(Scene 6b - Beat the geeks. They are still thinking about it.)  
Chandler: Shes from California right?  
Joey: She has to be. Man I have to get out there if they grow chicks like that!  
(A guy comes in from the other room and talks with the guy with the clipboard. Chandler and Joey talk about wha the answer is.)  
Chandler: Oh I got it!  
Guy with clipboard: What?  
Chandler: The answer.  
Guy: Ok.  
Joey: You sure?  
Chandler: Yeah.  
Joey: You go then!  
Chandler: Really? (Joey nods) Its Anaheim and May 21!  
Guy: Nice try but its wrong.  
Chandler and Joey: Wrong?  
Guy: But its pointless anyway. They dont want a Baywatch geek anymore.  
Chandler: What do they want?  
Guy: They want to have this geek instead. (A girl with long brown hair comes in) Shes our new Garth Brooks geek! Rachel C.  
Chandler and Joey: Ohhhh. (they look at each other)  
Joey: Get her!  
Rachel C: Ohhh! (runs out the other door. Guys chase her)  
  
(Scene 7- Kitchen Stadium. Time for judgement)  
Monica: (Shes standing behind the kitchen with Rachel and Phoebe. Rachel has a chair) Will I win? They loved Morimoto.  
Phoebe: Sure you'll win.  
Monica: Thanks Pheebs.  
Phoebe: Oh yeah, youre gonna lose but I wanted to make you feel better.  
Rachel: (looks at Mon) You'll do fine. Not many people do this.  
Monica: And now I see why!  
Ming Na: Now is the time for judgement. Will it be the brash young New Yorker, or the pride of New York? Who gets it? Whos cuisine reigns surpreme!  
Chairman Kaga: Iron Chef Morimoto!  
Ming Na: Morimoto wins!  
(Monica goes over and shakes Morimotos hand and bows when he does.)  
Morimoto: Good job.  
Monica: Oh, god no. I sucked.  
Morimoto: Yes you did. (Monica glares) Was trying to be nice.  
Monica(smiles halfheartedly) Thanks. (he walks away)  
Rachel: We're not bringing that home are we?  
Monica: I have a neighbor who eats out of the trash. We'll leave that there for him.  
  
(Scene 8 - Centra Perk. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe enter the cafe. Ross, Chandler and Joey are sitting)  
Ross: So how did you do?  
Monica: We lost!  
Rachel: Yeah. On national tv.  
Phoebe: I got like three phone numbers!  
Joey: Me too!  
Rachel: How did the geek thing go?  
Chandler: We missed the entire taping to find out that they really want a Garth Brooks geek.  
Monica: Oh I'm sorry honey.  
Chandler: (smiles) Oh you're not, youre just glad I don't have to talk about Yasmine Bleeth everyday.  
Monica: Well yeah.  
Chandler: I'd rather talk about you everyday.  
Monica: (kissing him on the cheek) Thank you. (she goes to get a coffee)  
Joey: Good save.  
Chandler: Thank you.  
Phoebe: (hits Joey on the head)  
Joey: What was that for?  
Phoebe: So you don't get any funny ideas. And just in case... (goes after Ross, Ross gets out of his chair and runs away.) There we go.  
  
  
The end 


End file.
